Two Sides Of One Story
by xana4
Summary: Because every story has two sides...and because sometimes not everyhting is what it seems to be.   She's the one who pushed him away.
1. Chapter 1

**Kensi's side of the story**

Kensi is at a total and complete loss of what to do. This day was a hard one, there's not a doubt about that in her mind. Sometimes, she wonders what her life would be like if she never became a federal agent. Things would definitely be a lot easier. She wouldn't have to constantly change her routine. She would be able to go to the same coffee shop every single day. That would be great but she's not meant to have that kind of life and she knows it. She's not meant to have the easy life and she has known this ever since someone had knocked on her door to tell her that her father was dead. That had ended her childhood and showed her things would never be easy for her.

It sounds a bit harsh to say that she lost all her hopes for a better future that day. She didn't. She just gradually accepted that her life was not supposed to be the one of someone who is happy just by sitting on a couch all day, talking to people on the phone, arranging block-parties…That's just not who she is. That's not someone she wishes she was, actually.

Now, looking at her partner while he packs all his belongings and gets ready to leave the office, she wishes she could have the easy life just for a little bit. It would sure hurt a lot less than this. She can't really blame Deeks for what he's doing right now. Any other person would have turned and walked away a long time ago. She's surprised he managed to hold on for this long.

She's hard to handle, that's not exactly a secret to anyone who knows her. Deeks is the kind of guy who has the need to know everything. He can't stand not knowing and that's the reason why he's leaving. It sounds really stupid but it's the truth. He's leaving because he can't stand not knowing. That's not what he said to Hetty or to the rest of the team but she knows better than that. She knows him better than that.

Kensi finally summons the courage to walk downstairs. She walks as silently as she can, afraid that the smallest of sounds will make him leave even faster. Deeks looks up when she gets close enough. He refuses to meet her eyes but she sees the anger and frustration in his. He doesn't say a word but the way he harshly throws his things to the box is a clear indication that he wants to. She wants to beg him to yell at her, to lecture her about her huge amount of issues…Hell, she wants him to fight with her. She would even let him punch her if needed. She knows he would never lay a hand on her without the intention of comforting her but she wishes he would, just this once. Because anything would be better than this, in her book. Anything would hurt less than watching him leave, willingly.

No one has told him to leave. That's probably what hurts the most. Many people left her life, that's for sure, but she thought this would be different. At least her father and Dom left without a choice, they left because of things they could not control. Jack left without that kind of reason but she tries to convince herself he did that because of her, because he thought she would be better off without him. Now, Deeks leaving her without anyone asking him to leave is killing her. Her heart is breaking because she thought he would never leave. She thought he would be there for her whenever she needed him to be. She was wrong.

Kensi curses herself for her naivety but she still tries to remain strong and tries to talk to him, even though it hurts her even more than staying in silence.

"This is it, then? You're really going to leave?" That's not exactly the question she wants him to answer but the other one is too dangerous to be said out loud. His answer to the other question could cause damage behind repair inside of her.

"I told you that my decision was final. I don't belong here." That's what he's been saying all day but she knows better than that. That stupid sentence might have worked with the rest of the team but it won't work with her. Somehow, she is sure he knows that as well as she does. It bothers her that he didn't even think of a better excuse to give to her. It makes her think that maybe he really is trying to hurt her.

"I'm not stupid, Deeks. Why are you leaving?" Deeks throws his mug into the box with a lot more force than necessary before looking at her. This time, she's the one who doesn't dare to meet his eyes. She gave him that mug. She really is trying to hurt her. Deeks walks closer to her and she can see he's angry just by the way he walks. As soon as he's close enough to her, Deeks grabs her chin and makes her look at him.

"You want the truth? I'll give you the truth but we will never talk about this again. I'm leaving because I can't stand to work with you, Kensi. I know you're complicated but this is just pushing my patience to a limit, okay? It pisses me off to know that everyone in the building knows you better than what I do. That makes me sick because you've been my partner for 7 months now and I still have the feeling that you don't trust me, that you don't really want me here. I'm leaving because you give me no other choice. I don't belong here. Everyone hates my at LAPD but at least I won't have to look at my partner every single day and have that little voice inside my head telling me she doesn't trust me. I'm done saving someone who clearly doesn't want to be saved."

He lets go off her chin and walks to his desk. Deeks picks up his things and walks out of the building without even looking at her.

She'll never tell him how much she cried that night after he left.

She will never tell him how much that hurt.

She will never tell him how much she needs him.

X

X

Two weeks…he's been gone for two weeks. Callen looks at her all the time, watching over her. Sam does the same but at least he tries to hide it. Callen doesn't even bother doing so. They're waiting her to break down, she knows that. She can't tell them she has already cried enough because of this, can't tell them she's been crying herself to sleep every night for the past two weeks and that she wakes up with nightmares in the middle of every single night.

Hetty stops her from leaving after the day of work. Callen and Sam left hours ago but Kensi delayed that moment because her house is just another place where she thinks too much. Hetty hands her an envelope with Deeks name written on it. Kensi looks at her questioningly and Hetty explains.

"I was going to give him this but he decided to leave. Those are the papers that would make him an NCIS agent. He just needed to sign those to make it official."

"Why are you giving me this?" Her boss smiles at her. It's a gentle smile…the kind of smile a mother would use to comfort her daughter after a bad day.

"Deeks is a part of this team, my dear…a part of the family. I'm giving you those because I know you'll do what you think it is best with them. I trust your judgment." Hetty walks away and so does Kensi.

A strange sense of overwhelming courage takes over her body and Kensi finds herself parking her car just outside LAPD. She knows Deeks is still in there because his car is still parked outside. She grabs the envelope and walks inside. She finds his desk immediately and walks to him, suddenly feeling both anxious and nervous.

Deeks looks up as soon as she stops in front of his desk but turns his eyes back to the paperwork in front of him as soon as he sees who's there. Kensi sighs and puts the envelope in front of him. Again, Deeks doesn't look up, doesn't even say a word to her.

"Hetty wanted you to become an agent. She was going to give you these but you decided to leave so…" This time he actually looks at her but not with the goofy smile she's grown used to see.

"I thought I had made myself very clear when I talked to you two weeks ago. I'm not going to become an agent. I'm not going back. Now, leave me alone!" He turns back to the papers and Kensi feels a tear making its way down her cheek. She wipes it away as fast as she can because she can't allow herself to be weak in front of the person who is hurting her so much in the first place. She turns to walk away but a frightening thought stops her and she turns back to him, even though he still won't look at her.

"I'll leave but I have one more question to you. If something were to happen to me, would you still care?" Kensi waits for his answer or for a movement that will give him away but nothing happens. He doesn't say a word, doesn't move a muscle. She knows what his answer is and it breaks what was left from her broken heart.

Kensi turns and walks away from him.

X

X

It's after midnight but she knows he's not sleeping yet. Kensi parks her car outside Callen's house and rings his doorbell. Callen answers it right away and motions for her to come in. She shakes her head and he seems worried for a moment. At least someone cares about her…

"I know it's late but I need you to make me a promise." Callen nods and she continues after taking a long breath. "In our work we face an incredibly amount of danger every single day. I need you to promise me that if something ever happens to me, Deeks will be the last person you will call." Callen seems shocked with her request and tries to talk her out of it but she stops him from doing so.

"Please, Callen, I need you to promise me this. Promise me you won't call him, G! He doesn't care anymore…Please!" She allows Callen to see just how broken she is and he nods after staring at her for a few seconds, promising her to do exactly as she wants.

Kensi hugs him and walks to her car, knowing that tonight she will cry herself to sleep once again and that the only person who is capable of fixing this whole mess has stopped caring about her. The worst part is that this is probably her fault.

She's the one who pushed him away.

**X**

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**This idea has been floating around in my head for the whole day and I needed to put it all out on the paper. I have Deeks side of the story too and then the conclusion so it will be a three-shot.**

**Tell me what you think about it and I'll post the next one if you think this is good.**

**Sarah**


	2. Chapter 2

**Deeks side of the story**

Marty Deeks knows he will probably end up regretting this decision but he needs to do what's best for him too, once in a while. He can feel her eyes burning two holes on the top of his head but he won't look up. He can't. Deeks knows that looking up will be the death of him. He's doing what needs to be done and there's no going back now. He's not meant to be here. He's meant to be working at LAPD, not NCIS. Accepting this job turned out to be a giant mistake. Sure, everyone hates him at LAPD but at least there he won't have to deal with his partner's lack of trust.

Yes, he's leaving because Kensi doesn't trust him. It sounds as stupid in his head as everyone probably thinks it is but he can't help it. He needs her to trust me and has given her more than enough time to do so. They've been partners for 7 months and it still feels like he's an outsider. Maybe that's what he is. Maybe that's what he's meant to be for the rest of his life. He is capable of accepting that, has been doing so for years now. Deeks won't admit it out loud but it's not the thought of his partner not trusting him that pisses him off enough to leave. It's the thought of _Kensi_ not trusting him that does it for him.

He hears her coming downstairs and feels his anger and frustration taking control of his body and mind. He just needs to hear the words. He will stay if she asks him to. All she needs to do is actually say that she wants him here, that she trusts him, and that she wants no one else to be her partner…he needs to hear it from her mouth. Chances are she will never actually say that but a guy can hope.

She stops and looks at him. He can feel her eyes on him, even though he's trying hard not to make eye-contact with her. Nothing good would come out of that, he's sure of it. Then she talks and her voice seems so broken he almost runs to her and takes her in his arms. But she's still trying hard to remain strong, to pretend nothing's wrong. That pisses him off once again and all thoughts of comforting her fly out of the window.

"This is it, then? You're really going to leave?" Deeks almost laughs with that question but the situation is far too serious for that. They both know that's not what she wants to ask. She wants to ask of he's leaving her. He is and she knows it but the answer would break her. That's why she doesn't ask the question.

Deeks doesn't know how much more of this he can actually take. It's too much for him. He needs to leave this place as soon as possible. He needs to leave it all behind. He needs to leave her behind. It sounds an awful lot like an impossible task so he does what's right. He tries to push her away, even if that kills him.

"I told you that my decision was final. I don't belong here." His words are meant to hurt her. He needs to do so, otherwise she won't stay away and he won't be strong enough to avoid her for a very long time. Kensi is a fighter, though, and doesn't let him get away with such an easy answer. He knew she wouldn't. She knows him better than that, even though she will never actually say the words out loud.

"I'm not stupid, Deeks. Why are you leaving?" Deeks wants to tell her she is a lot stupider than what she thinks because all he needs is to hear from her mouth that she wants him to stay and he will drop the act and hug her, never letting go. He knows she won't do it so he keeps on going, never once forgetting his goal. He needs her to stay as far away from him as possible. That probably means that he will have to break her heart but Callen and Sam will be there to fix everything. That thought is enough to break his own heart because he's the one who's supposed to be there for her, through thick and thin. He's walking away. Maybe that makes him a coward but he can't help it.

Deeks grabs the mug she's given him for his birthday and throws it to the box with a lot more force than necessary, to make her truly believe that he's angry at her. He wants her to think that there is no way to fix this mess. It's for the best, or so he tells himself to soothe the pain that just won't leave his chest. He walks to her. She's the one who won't meet his eyes this time so he grabs her chin to make her look at him.

He will never tell her that he does that just so he can touch her, knowing this might be the last time he gets to do so.

He will never tell her he makes her look into his eyes because this might be his last chance to ever look into those bright orbs he loves so much and that read him so well.

He will never tell her that he walks that close to her so he can smell her perfume and engrave it in his mind.

"You want the truth? I'll give you the truth but we will never talk about this again. I'm leaving because I can't stand to work with you, Kensi. I know you're complicated but this is just pushing my patience to a limit, okay? It pisses me off to know that everyone in the building knows you better than what I do. That makes me sick because you've been my partner for 7 months now and I still have the feeling that you don't trust me, that you don't really want me here. I'm leaving because you give me no other choice. I don't belong here. Everyone hates my at LAPD but at least I won't have to look at my partner every single day and have that little voice inside my head telling me she doesn't trust me. I'm done saving someone who clearly doesn't want to be saved."

There's so much more he wants to say.

He wants to say goodbye.

He wants to promise her he will never forget her.

He wants to tell her she will forever have a very special place inside his heart.

He wants her to know that all it takes is one phone call and he will be there for her, no matter what the problem is.

He doesn't say any of those things because it's dangerous territory. He needs to get away. He needs her to stay away.

Deeks drops her chin and walks away without looking back. Looking at her would make him weak again. Besides, if he looked back, she would be able to see the tears in his eyes, the ones he just can't stop.

She will never know just how much she means to him.

X

X

Two weeks…he's been gone for two weeks and he's almost sure than those have been the worst two weeks of his life. Every single time he closes his eyes to sleep he sees images of the one who is no longer his partner. Every single time he tries to focus on anything his mind is invaded with images of her. Deeks doesn't know what to do anymore and wonders if giving up on something you're completely addicted to feels like this. Yes, because he's fairly sure he's addicted to Kensi Blye. The good news is that admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. The bad news is that he's sure that there's no support group for those who are trying to walk away from Kensi. Too bad…he could really use some help.

It's late and he knows he should probably be on his way home right now but there's something that just won't let him leave. Maybe it's because he knows that his house is far too empty and gives him too much time to think. The constant nightmares are not very appealing either.

He feels her perfume even before he sees her. Deeks looks down and pretends to be busy with some paperwork lying on his desk. He can't look at her. That would be the death of him. Kensi stops in front of his desk. She puts an envelope with his name written on it in front of his eyes and he sees her hand shaking slightly. She's nervous and he feels very tempted at the moment. He wants to see what those papers are but he doesn't. He wants to grab her hand gently to keep her from shaking and to calm her nerves but he doesn't. Calming her down is not his job anymore. She knows he is not going to grab the envelope anytime soon and that's probably why she breaks the silence between them.

"Hetty wanted you to become an agent. She was going to give you these but you decided to leave so…" Deeks looks up then but not with that smile he's tempted to send her way. He looks up because he needs to see her one more time. He needs to know she's okay, despite all of what he's putting her through. He fakes his hanger and frustration and prays she won't be able to tell he's lying because that would be bad, for both of them.

"I thought I had made myself very clear when I talked to you two weeks ago. I'm not going to become an agent. I'm not going back. Now, leave me alone!" He turns back to the non-existent paperwork and prays she will leave as soon as possible. Why can't she just give up? His life is already complicated enough as it is. The last thing he needs is a relapse. Kensi takes the envelope and turns to leave. He almost lets out a sigh of relief but then she turns back around. It takes all his willpower not to meet her eyes again. The little evil voice inside of him tells him that it will be just this once but the rational part of his brain warns him that one more look at her and he's going to lose it. She speaks again and her voice sounds so broken he just wants to take her in his arms and never let her go.

"I'll leave but I have one more question to you. If something were to happen to me, would you still care?" Deeks doesn't look up but that question breaks what was left of his already fragile heart. He digs his fingers in his palm to restrain himself. He can't answer her. He can't look at her. It kills him to know that she thinks he wouldn't care if something were to happen to her. It kills him to know she thinks he doesn't care anymore. He would kill for her. Hell, he would die for her. A part of him knows this goes way beyond just a simple partnership. He's not ready to admit the real extend of his feelings for her and that's probably for the best.

She turns back and leaves, taking his heart with her without even knowing. It's a good thing she doesn't turn back around again because the tears that are running down his cheeks would clearly give him away and she would be able to tell just how much he cares. He watches her leave and fights against the urge that makes him want to chase her and beg her to never leave his sight again. This is not what he wants. This is not what he wants her to have. She deserves to be happy but this is for the best. He doesn't want to hurt her but someday she will thank him for this, or so he hopes.

One day she will realize he did it for her, not just because of his stupid selfish reasons.

**X**

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**One more chapter to go**

**Tell me what you think about this one and the next one will be up as soon as possible…**

**Sarah**


	3. Chapter 3

**The End (part 1)**

Kensi doesn't feel like herself. It's crazy to think that she's not the same just because another guy left her. The problem is that Deeks is not just another guy. Deeks is the kind of guy who would stand by her side, no matter what. The issue was that she had to allow that in order for him to do so. It kills her every single time she thinks about it. This one left because of her. He left because she's an emotional wreck. She understands his reasons. He just kept giving and giving and she was incapable of giving him anything back. There's only so much a person can handle and Deeks obviously reached his breaking point with her. That's why she sits on the couch, staring at the TV but not really paying attention to anything.

Hetty said she would get her a new partner. She doesn't want a new partner. She wasn't Deeks, and as childish as that sounds that's exactly what she tells Hetty. The woman smiles at her in the way a mother would do after her daughter's first heartbreak. Kensi is not the kind of woman who usually needs that kind of comfort. In fact, she's the kind of woman who usually punches or yells at anyone who dares to think she needs something like that. This time, though, she doesn't say a word.

She doesn't say a word when Hetty looks at her like that.

She doesn't say a word when Sam agrees to serve as her punching bag at the gym so she can release her anger.

She doesn't say a word when Callen shows up at her door with beer and ice cream just to make sure she's okay and to make sure she has someone to talk to.

She knows it's weird for them to see her like this too, so different from the strong and independent woman they know and love. She tries to convince herself that's why she allows them to do all those things. It's not, but Kensi is not ready to admit out loud just how much she's hurting inside and just how much she needs them all there for her.

That's why she sends a small thankful smile at Hetty when she looks at her like that.

That's why she ends up hugging Sam with all the strength she has left in her after he allows her to release all her anger and frustration on him.

That's why she cries on Callen's shoulder, even though words are not exchanged between them.

It's past midnight when her phone rings and Kensi is pulled out of her thoughts. She reaches for the phone and sees her brother's name flashing on the screen. It's late and Andrew is not the kind of guy who calls at that hour for no important reason. She picks it up, worry getting the best of her.

"Andrew…is everything okay?" They are not very close. In fact, they didn't grow up together. However, they are slowly learning to rely on each other when it really matters. They are only two years apart in age, him being older, but that is not important. It only really matters when they think about their parent's divorce. Kensi was 3 years old. He was 5 years old. They were thrown into different sides of the country at that young age.

"Can you come over, please?" The request sounds strange coming from him. Andrew has a wife and two kids. It's not normal for him to be calling so late and asking her if she can come over. She frowns with concern.

"Yes, but what's going on?" She hears him sigh on the other end and there's something in his voice that sounds an awful lot like fear mixed with regret.

"I just need to talk to you. Can you meet me at Dad's old garage in 30 minutes?" Kensi agrees and hangs up the phone, concern flooding her senses and making her forget all about her work and personal problems.

X

Kensi parks her car outside her father's old garage and frowns. Everything is quiet and there are no cars anywhere near the place. Maybe Andrew walked all the way there. She locks the car and opens the door of the garage. The garage is a testimony of her father's deep love for cars. It's big enough to have 6 cars and has a small bedroom in a corner where he used to sleep whenever he was too tired to drive all the way home. She turns on the lights and sees no sign of Andrew.

"Andrew…where are you?" He shows up then, coming from the bedroom at the right corner. He seems tired and in panic.

"I'm sorry, Kensi. I didn't want to do this but they threatened Anna and the kids. I'm sorry!" Kensi frowns but doesn't have the time to ask him anything else because she feels an arm wrapped around her neck to keep her in place, she hears her brother's horrified scream and feels a needle piercing the skin of her neck. After that, everything turns black and she has no control over her body anymore. She has no other choice but to close her eyes and to let herself go.

X

Callen walks in the bullpen and immediately senses that something is wrong. Sam is sitting on his desk, just like in any other day but something is not right, he can feel it. Hetty is on her office, clearly on the phone with someone. He can't hear their talk but can tell by Hetty's face that it's about something serious. He sits on his desk and notices Kensi is not there yet. Knowing she hasn't been quite like herself lately, Callen grans his phone and calls her but it goes straight to voicemail. That's weird and he starts to worry.

Callen doesn't have the time to say or do anything, though, because Hetty walks to them and calls Eric and Nell there.

"Gentlemen, we have a problem. Agent Blye is missing." Callen turns to Eric immediately. This can't be happening. They've already lost one agent before.

"Eric, what do we know?"

"Well, according to her phone records, Kensi received a call from her brother just a few minutes after midnight. It lasted only a couple of seconds. After that, I caught her car in a traffic camera. It seemed like she was going to meet her brother but I have no idea where. I lost her after she passed downtown. There are no signs of her car, her phone is turned off and I can't turn it on remotely which means it's probably destroyed or without battery. Her brother's phone is in the same condition."

Sam is the one who starts asking questions now because Callen in busy running through all the worst-case scenarios in his head.

"What do we know about her brother?"

"He's a lawyer. Worked on some important cases recently but there are no direct threats considered serious against him. The only thing I can find potentially dangerous is that he managed to make a gang leader get arrested. However, the guy's still in jail so there's not much he can do about it."

"That means nothing. Gang leader have a huge amount of followers who would do anything for them. Let's go talk to the guys who arrested him to see what they can tell us about him." Callen starts giving the orders, his only worry being finding Kensi as quickly as possible and with no injuries. Eric and Nell go upstairs trying to find anything they can to help them find Kensi. Hetty goes to her office and prays for her agent's safe return. Sam and Callen go to find the man responsible for the gang leader's arrest. None of them seems to remember who else is working for LAPD.

X

Marty Deeks is sitting on his desk when he sees the two agents almost running through the doors of the police station. He frowns and his instinct warns him immediately that something is not right. Those two are usually able to hide their nerves but he can see just how anxious they are today. Deeks gets up and walks to them.

"What do you guys need?" He expects them to yell at him and send him to call someone else. He deserves that after what he has done to Kensi. They don't, though, making him understand just how bad the situation is.

"Deeks, we need to talk to detective Williams right now, please! Can you find him?" He nods and calls his co-worker through the phone on the desk besides him. Suddenly, his heart clenches. Kensi. Callen and Sam are never this worried or nervous unless something is seriously wrong with someone they know and care about. The only time in which he has seen that look on their faces was when Kensi was taken by the Russians.

"Where's Kensi?" They look at him but don't say a word. That's how he knows he's right. Something is wrong with her. Detective Williams arrives and answers to all the questions they have about the gang. Deeks listens intently but the only thing on his mind is Kensi. She's in danger. After Detective Williams is done, Callen and Sam turn around and walk away. Deeks snaps out of his trance and runs after them.

"Callen, what's going on with Kensi?" Callen sighs and turns to him, well aware he can't break his promise.

"I can't tell you, Deeks." He sees how the other man gets frustrated and how he runs his hand through his hair. He's worried and Callen sees that. Maybe he's not the bad guy he thought. Then again, the only reason why he started thinking that in the first place was because he made Kensi cry. Callen has always had a soft spot for Kensi's tears.

"Callen, I know you can't comment an ongoing investigation but I need to know. What's going on? Tell me that she's okay…" Callen sighs once again but he can't break the promise he did to Kensi. The forbidden comments about the ongoing investigation are actually the last thing on his mind.

"Deeks, I don't care about that. I promised Kensi that if something were to happen to her you would be the last person I would tell it to." He sees Deeks heart breaking but continues talking anyway, knowing that Deeks and Kensi are too stubborn for their own good. "Sam, on the other hand, didn't promise her anything. You can try your luck with him."

X

Hetty is not surprised when she sees Callen and Sam walking inside the building with Deeks right beside them. She grabs the envelope that is still sitting on her desk and goes to meet the three men in the tech room, currently trying to find the place where Kensi and her brother are being held.

"Mr. Deeks, I'm sorry but you are not allowed to be here seeing as you are no longer our liaison officer." Deeks is about to protest and Callen and Sam are getting ready to back him up but Hetty continues, cutting them all off. "However, if you sign these papers you can stay." Deeks doesn't even think twice about it. He grabs a pen and signs the papers that make him an official NCIS agent. After that's done, they all focus on the task at hand once again.

Hetty smiles and goes to her office, trusting her three agents to find Kensi as soon as possible.

X

They find her in her father's old garage because they manage to find and follow one of the members of the gang. As soon as he stops the car outside the big garage, Eric finds out it belongs to Kensi and her brother. Callen, Sam and Deeks ask for backups but they don't wait the 20 minutes it will take them for get there. They grab their guns and burst through the doors of the garage, not caring about anything but Kensi's safety.

Shots are fired and before they know it the six men who were in the garage are being arrested. Deeks has a bleeding in his arm but it's just a scratch. He runs to the door on the right corner of the garage, knowing that Callen and Sam need to handle the six guys before they can do anything else. He breaks the door with his foot and finds Kensi and her brother there.

Andrew seems scared but safe. Kensi, on the other hand, needs an ambulance as soon as possible. She's unconscious and has a big bruise on her forehead that scares the crap out of him. To make things worse, he sees the shirt tightly wrapped around her leg to stop a big bleeding.

"They stabbed her in the leg after she tried to run and fight against them. After that they hit her on the head and drugged her to keep her out of it. Please, help her. I'll never forgive myself if something happens to her." Deeks knows he will never forgive himself either if something happens to her. He takes her in his arms and carries her to the door of the garage to wait for the ambulance that it's on its way there.

He sees Callen and Sam's worried faces when they spot him with her on his arms but he doesn't care about that. He needs her to be okay. He needs to make things right. He needs to tell her just how much he loves her.

**X**

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**Okay, I decided to split the last chapter in two. Next one will be up as soon as I can.**

**Review to let me know what you think about this one…**

**Sarah**


	4. Chapter 4

Kensi is not the kind of woman who gives up without a fight. Well, maybe she's starting to become that kind of woman. After all, she let Deeks slip away without putting much of a fight. It's stupid that the only thing she can think about while she's being held hostage in her father's old garage is Deeks and his leaving but that's the only thing she can focus on.

Her head hurts and she knows there's probably a big bruise on her forehead. She's not sure if it's bleeding or not because the guys are pretty rough and her hands are tied behind her back. However, she tries to remain awake because letting herself close her eyes for a few seconds with a concussion might not be the brightest idea ever. Andrew keeps looking at her and she knows he wants to say something but he remains silent. Kensi needs to remind herself that this whole thing is new to him. This is the first time he has to face a situation like this one.

This is not her first time. God, she has lost count of how many times she's been in a situation similar to this one. It comes with the job and they all accept that way before their first official day of work. There's not a single one of them who has never been held hostage. No matter how good you are, there is always a situation that can escape your grasp and send you tumbling into the enemies hands.

She knows her team is probably trying to find her by now but she can't wait that long. She needs to get out of there as soon as she can, and alone. There's something about the thought of someone saving her that is making her sick. Maybe it's because she's never been one to play the part of the damsel in distress. Maybe it's because she doesn't like to look weak. Or maybe, and that's probably the most correct one though she tries with all her strength to deny it, it's just because this time Deeks won't be there to save her. That thought is unsettling and messes with her mind in a way she wasn't ready for. That's why the next time their captors walk through the doors she tries to fight them, tries to free herself.

It doesn't end the way she planned. They stab her leg to make sure she has no chance to leave and punch her again for good measure before grabbing yet another needle. This time she doesn't try to fight back. She hears Andrew pleading them not to hurt her but they are way past caring about that at this point. The needle pierces her skin once again and it takes her only a few agonizing seconds to drift off to unconsciousness again. The strange part is that the only thing she can think about before the drug finally sets in is Deeks.

X

Kensi feels herself beginning to wake up but tries not to. The pain in her leg is terrible and she knows it's not going to get any better any time soon. The guys who are keeping her hostage are not going to give up soon and she's almost sure it will take her team a while to find her. She almost wants to call them and ask them for more drugs. The pain in her forehead is not nearly as bad as it was before she was knocked unconscious but it's still there.

Then she feels something warm on her hand and that's when she tries as hard as she can to extend the effect of the drugs for as long as she can. She doesn't want to wake up and see that Andrew is still there next to her, probably holding her hand. It's not that she doesn't like Andrew. She loves her brother to death but that's not the person she wants to see when she finally decides to open her eyes.

Then she hears something that makes her want to open her eyes badly. There's the steady beating of what can only be a heart-monitor next to her and a man talking in a whisper. She knows that voice. God, she misses that voice. She feels a hand squeezing hers and another hand softly stroking her forehead, cautiously avoiding the big bruise she knows it's there. She wants to open her eyes. She wants to see him. She wants to look into his bright blue eyes and ask him to forgive her for all her mistakes. She wants to feel his arms wrapped around her to give her that comfort she needs so much.

She can't, though. Kensi can't open her eyes. She tries to talk to him but she can't do that either. It's like she's not in command of her body anymore and it pisses her off. She needs to be in control. She needs to do things her way. When she finally stops trying to do anything to alert him that she's there, feeling him and hearing him, she listens. She's always been good with listening so there's no reason not to do just that. She misses his voice so much.

"Come on, sunshine, wake up! We're all here, worrying about you. I know you'd probably kick our asses to next century if you knew just how worried we all are but we can't stop. Sam is sitting outside, just staring at this damn door. He's been there for quite a while. Callen has been drinking coffee like there's no tomorrow which actually begins to scare me. Hetty, Eric and Nell are outside, in the waiting room too. And then there's me."

His voice, that is not much louder than a whisper, breaks even further. She wants to squeeze his hand and tell him that she's okay, that they have nothing to worry about. She can't. He continues and if Kensi didn't know him as well as she does, she would say he's crying while he speaks softly to her, almost like he's afraid of waking her up.

"I'm an idiot. Worse than that…I'm a stupid idiot. I thought I was doing the right thing, I really did. You didn't trust me and that's something I couldn't deal with. The truth is that I knew you trusted me, I've known it since that day with the Russians. I just needed you to give me something, Kensi. I just needed you to tell me you trusted me. I just needed you to tell me something that would make me see this partnership was for real. I see the mistake I made, sunshine, I really do. Please, forgive me. Please, wake up."

She knows he's crying and he's not even trying to disguise it. It's something completely out of character for him and Kensi wants to cry too because she has never listened to him being so honest. She wants to tell him there's no reason to be worried. She's fine, or at least she thinks she is. She's not sure of anything anymore. Deeks kisses her forehead. She feels his warm trembling lips on her forehead and they linger there for longer than necessary. When he pulls back, she hears him continuing.

"I know you're going to be fine. I'm just telling you this right now because I know I won't have the guts to say it out loud once you're awake. Besides, I won't be here when you wake up. I know you hate me right now and that chances are you'll never forgive me for what I've done but I need to know I told you this, even though you're probably not listening to me. I love you, Kensi. I love you with all my heart and I promise you I will do everything I can to make sure you never have to deal with a broken heart again, even if I have to threaten every single guy in LA. I'll make sure you're happy, Kensi, even from afar. I love you, princess!"

She feels his lips on her forehead once again and wants to cry, want to tell him she loves him too even though she doesn't show it. It's how she's been raised, actually. Her father was not the type of guy who would openly show his emotions to anyone. Working for a federal agency like NCIS helped keeping her emotions at bay too. Now, she wants to show him. She wants him to know that the only way for her to be happy is with him by her side, every single day.

He lets go of her hand and she hears his footsteps. She knows he's leaving her room. She wants to sit up in the hospital bed and yell at him to stay and never leave her side again. She wants to beg him to never leave her again. She curses her body for its lack of cooperation when she needs it the most. She hates her weakness right now.

X

Deeks exits her hospital room and doesn't even bother trying to disguise the tears is his eyes. He sits on a chair outside her room and buries his head on his hands. Callen sits next to him and pats his back. Deeks looks at the other man and doesn't know what to do or say to him. Callen seems to sense this because he's the one who breaks the silence between them.

"There's no rule." Deeks frowns, not exactly sure of what he means with that. Callen clarifies.

"There's no rule against dating a co-worker as long as said co-worker is not your boss. None of us mind and Hetty doesn't either." Deeks doesn't know how he knows about his feelings for Kensi but he decides not to ask anyway. It's not what matters. He shakes his head and turns to Callen once again.

"It doesn't matter. I'm staying here until she wakes up. I need to make sure she's okay but after that I'm leaving."

"Where are you going? You're an NCIS agent now, Deeks. You can't just leave!"

"Come one, Callen. We both know the only reason why I signed those papers was because I needed to find her. What I feel for Kensi doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm going to make sure she's happy and being around her it's not good for her." Callen shakes his head but Deeks doesn't really care. He knows what's right and knows what he has to do. Callen, however, is as stubborn as Kensi.

"We both know that's a lie, Deeks. You and Kensi are completely messed up but you're good together. She cares about you, more than what she'll ever admit out loud in front of any of us. Stay and tell her how you feel. You won't regret it." Deeks shakes his head once again, refusing to believe in Callen's words. He knows that believing in such a thing would only hurt him further because none of that is true.

"She made you promise that I would be the last person you'd contact if something happened to her. I think that proofs exactly what she feels about me. The worst part is that I can't blame her for hating me, not after what I've done to her." With that much said, Deeks gets up and goes to the cafeteria in search for a good cup of coffee. He doesn't get very far, though, because suddenly all hell breaks loose. Out of nowhere, nurses rush to Kensi's room and a doctor comes running from down the hallway.

Callen and Sam get up and try to see what's going on but all they can hear is her heart beating way faster than before over the machine and the nurses and doctor rushing around and almost screaming orders. There's a nurse stopping Callen and Sam from going inside. Hetty has her eyes closed and looks like she's actually praying. Nell is squeezing Eric's hand as hard as she can and has tears in her eyes.

Deeks can't move. He wants to go there. He wants to fight every single person that stands in between him and the woman he loves with all his heart. He's frozen, though. He wants to move but panic won't let him. It's like he's not in control of his own legs anymore. He just stands there while everyone tries to make things right. Does that make him a coward?

His mind goes blank for a few seconds but then everything changes. Deeks is suddenly assaulted by a bunch of memories that are the same ones that kept him company during the incredible lonely two past weeks. Her smile, her eyes, the way she laughs, the way she talks, the way she moves, the way she's not afraid to punch her way through any situation…he knows what he has to do. It's clear.

X

Kensi 'wakes' up once again. She can't remember how she fell asleep again but nothing has changed since then. She's still in the hospital room and her heart-monitor is still beeping steadily. She still can't control her body. She still wants Deeks by her side. Kensi remembers his words, remembers his touch and his light kiss. She needs him back.

Her heart starts to beat faster and the beeping sound of the monitor by her side is a clear indication of that. She needs to calm down and is well aware that she' starting to have another panic attack. Oh, that's why she fell asleep again. However, this one doesn't progress because not only two seconds after the fast beeping starts there's that warmness in her hand that alerts her to someone's presence by her side. His voice is what makes her heart go back to its normal pace.

"It's okay, princess. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere!"

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**Okay, I know I said this one would be the last chapter but it's been too long since I've last updated and it would take me a few more days to complete this in order to make it a final chapter. Therefore, one more to go (and this time it's for real).**

**Tell me what you think about this one and I'll update as soon as possible.**

**Sarah**


	5. Chapter 5

Kensi wakes up and opens her eyes. Yes, this time she actually manages to open her eyes and she's so happy with that fact that she has to keep herself from screaming with happiness. Her leg still hurts and she knows it won't get any better any time soon. Her neck is a bit sore, probably because of the needles they kept injecting the drugs with. Her forehead hurts and she knows the bruise is probably not getting that much better. She doesn't know how long she's been asleep for, has completely lost track of time, but when she turns her head to the side and notices the sun outside her window she realizes that it's probably morning.

Then she looks to her other side and sees him there. Deeks is holding her hand in his and has his head resting on her bed, by her arm. She doesn't know what time is it but she guesses he spent the entire night there. Kensi remembers everything. She remembers his soothing words by her ear when she was on the verge of a panic attack, remembers his soft touch and the way he kissed her forehead over and over again out of relief after her heart calmed down again. She remembers falling asleep again, comforted with his presence by her side. She remembers hearing Callen and Sam's voices but they were so low she couldn't hear what they were saying.

She doesn't know what to do. Should she wake him up or just let him sleep? Kensi thought he didn't care anymore. That's pretty much what he implied when she visited him at LAPD. So why is he here? She doesn't want him to be around just because she was kidnapped. She doesn't want him to be around out of guilt, and she is pretty sure that's the only reason why he's currently by her side holding her hand. He's never been good with this kind of things. He's always been the kind of guy who starts feeling bad when something happens to someone he's close to. The thing is that they're not close anymore, or at least she doesn't think they are. After all, he left her. Is that supposed to be a demonstration of how much he cares about her?

A tear starts making its way down her cheek before she has the chance to stop it. It's just not fair. Every single person she cares about has to end up hurting her, one way or another. She wants to be angry at him, wants to yell and punch him until he realizes just how much of an idiot he really is. That's the way she's used to deal with this type of situations. That's like her comfort zone. This time, though, she can't do that. The sadness that takes over her is so overwhelming that she can't bring herself to be angry at him. She just wants to leave this place and never come back because looking at him is enough to break her heart all over again.

Maybe Callen was right and the feelings she has for Deeks are way beyond a simple partnership. Maybe that's why this whole thing feels this bad. Maybe that's why she can't seem to stop the tears that keep running down her cheeks. Kensi doesn't make a movement, afraid that it will wake him up. It might be a little masochist of her but she wants to enjoy this while it lasts. She wants to enjoy the feeling of his warm hand in hers while she can because the minute she wakes him up, he's going to leave. That simple thought scares her more than what it should. She doesn't want him to leave, that much she's absolutely sure of. Kensi knows she won't be able to stay like this forever but she needs to engrave the memory deep on her mind so she will always have it with her.

That's how Callen finds her when he walks through the door of her hospital room. He has a cup of coffee in his hands and almost drops it when he notices she's awake. However, the shock is quickly replaced with confusion. She's awake and her partner is standing right by her side so there's no apparent reason for her to be crying and with that sad broken look on her face. Callen rushes to her side and doesn't bother keeping the volume of his voice down when he speaks, concern written all over his face.

"Kensi, what are you feeling? Where does it hurt?" Deeks lifts his head so fast she's sure he pulled a muscle but he doesn't seem to care. In less than a second he's wearing the same worried expression and she just wants to go back to sleep because the way he looks at her is something she will forever miss. He looks at her in a way that makes her feel completely exposed but safe, anyway. She wants to tell Callen that the only thing that is hurting her at the moment is her heart because all those other injuries seem completely painless when compared to that one. She doesn't, though, well aware that the reason why it hurts is still in the room. She will tell him as soon as he leaves.

"My leg…" It's her weak reply. Her voice is not louder than a whisper and her throat feels kind of weird because she was too long without talking. It seems like enough for both Callen and Deeks, though. Deeks lets go of her hand and rushes to the door, calling a nurse. Callen looks at her and she sees that look on his eyes. He can tell that she's lying and that that's not the reason why she's crying. He doesn't say a thing because Deeks walks back to her side with a nurse who does a quick check-up to make sure she's okay. After giving her some pain killers, the nurse leaves the room just as Sam walks in.

She feels the drug starting to take effect and her leg goes numb but at least it stopped hurting. Her head doesn't hurt anymore, either and there's no pain in her neck. Sam and Callen stay for a little while, filling her in with some details of her kidnaping but Hetty walks in and tells them to go home and get some rest, something they haven't done in over two days. Sam and Callen seem a little reluctant but after a quick nod from Deeks that she doesn't notice, they both leave.

Deeks sits back on the chair next to her bed and she stares at the ceiling because it's a lot easier than face him. Deeks sighs and grabs her hand once again. She fights against the urge to pull her hand away from his because his touch feels like fire, burning her skin and hurting her. She fights to keep her tears at bay but his next words, the first ones she has heard from him in over two weeks, leave his mouth she's not sure of how much more she is capable of handling.

"I'm so sorry, Kensi. And I know that you have no reason to forgive me but I need you to know that I am sorry and that I never meant to hurt you." Kensi doesn't answer him because she's not sure of what she's supposed to say. She remembers the things he told her when he thought she couldn't listen but that doesn't mean everything's okay between them. He still left. He still hurt her. She keeps trying to convince herself that the only reason why he is still here is because she went through a traumatic experience and he's not capable of just turning his back on her while she needs him. The thing is that she doesn't need him, or at least that's what she tries to tell herself. He notices that she has no intention of answering him so he continues, stroking her hand while he does.

"You know why I left, Kensi. I need to know that you trust me. The truth is that all you had to do to make me stay was say that you trusted me, that you wanted me as your partner. When you brought me those papers I wanted to sign them and if you told me that you wanted me to do so, I would have. You think I wanted to go back to LAPD? You think I didn't want to work with you guys anymore?" She stays in silence once again but hears him sighing. When he talks again, his voice is nothing but a whisper and she can feel him staring at her, daring her to meet his eyes.

"You think I didn't want to be around you anymore? I love you, Kensi. And yes, maybe I'm a coward and maybe I don't deserve your forgiveness. I was ready to walk away, to let your live your life without me in it. I can't do it. So I'm here and I promise you that, if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my days showing just how much you mean to me…" Kensi looks at him this time and the tears he sees in her eyes and cheeks are enough to break his own heart. He doesn't wipe them away because he's not sure of how she would react to that type of contact coming from him. Instead, he waits patiently for her next words, the ones he hopes that are the green light for him to get close enough to her.

"If you ever do as much as think about leaving me again, I swear that I'm going after you with my gun and you'll never be able to breathe again, Deeks!" He smiles because that's so Kensi and so familiar that makes him want to hit himself for ever turning his back onto this. She gives him a small smile too and he wipes away her remaining tears. He can tell that she's trying hard to stay awake because her pain meds are already working and make her want to sleep. He strokes her forehead and speaks again, his tone much lighter now that he knows things are okay between them.

"If you ever do as much as think that I don't care about you anymore, I'm going to tie you to my bed and keep you hostage until you realize just how much I care." She laughs a bit this time and closes her eyes, still with a smile on her face. Deeks scoots as close to the bed as he can and she opens her eyes again. He can tell she's fighting a lost battle to stay awake so he leans in and gives her a soft peck on the lips. "I meant it, Princess."

The sweet term of endearing sounds good coming from him and she grabs his head to pull him in for another kiss. He ends it too quickly for her liking but she knows he's just trying to make her rest so she allows him to do so. She makes room for him on the bed and pats the space next to her. Deeks smiles and lays down next to her, allowing her to rest her head on his chest. They stay in silence and he's sure that she is already asleep but the she speaks again and his face breaks into a smile big enough for the nurses outside to think that he's probably crazy. He doesn't care about that because the woman resting on his chest, the one who means the world to him, tells him the words he desperately wanted to hear. That's how he knows everything's going to be okay.

"I love you too, by the way!"

**X**

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**I'm sorry that it took me this long to post this chapter but I wasn't sure about how to finish it.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites. This is the final chapter of this story and reviews are highly appreciated.**

**Sarah**


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